I remember it was sometime back in February, before anyone really knew who I was and was still getting back into the current climate of political and social issues, and I happened to stumble across an article titled “I Don’t want to be Black anymore” by Ali. I spoke to Ali a few times on Twitter before that and was just beginning to understand what he and Hotep were all about, but I won’t lie the title sort of took me aback at first.
Reading through it I realized that I was way more in agreement with the article than I had originally thought. For pretty much my entire life I’d always thought of myself as an “unorthodox black,” aka too black for the white kids, too weird for the blacks, not weird enough for the actual weird kids – basically not really fitting in anywhere.
Part of it is my attention span, I moved on to new interests so fast it was hard to stay focused on one thing for a long time. I had never really had an affinity for people, and to this day I’m a self-admitted misanthrope so I always found it easily manageable and comforting. Something about not having to deal with other people stressing me out became a solace of serenity.
It never really bothered me as I’ve always been a loner, but being on the outside looking in is one of the ways I was able to develop my skills at analyzing behavior so well. I focus more on noticing behavior than things like appearance, and its one of the ways I’m able to read people so well if I do say so myself.
Analyzing people, especially in my teenage years, became a lot easier with time and I noticed that a lot of the people around me were starting to fall into the clutches of what I like to call “Nig Nog Culture“. I’ve met nig nogs of all races, and it’s sad because they all act the same – they gravitate towards violence and degeneracy, have a bad attitude with no comprehension of basic respect or etiquette, they view themselves as above the rules – and other factors that make them stand out.
I admit, I used to be a nig nog and that’s how it’s so easy to identify them and identify the destructive traits that start them down that path, and lead them to continue it. However, like I said earlier I’ve always been unorthodox. Even when I was I running around in the streets being the niggliest of nogs, I’d always felt different.
Now that I’m older and can see things more clearly, I can see the downward spiral that the world itself is heading in. I see it a lot more directly with black people since I live in a majority black area and have the more experience with them, and it’s sad to say that for the most part y’all annoy the hell out of me.
Before y’all try to come at my neck with the “not all black people, you can’t group us all into a box” let me first start off by saying that y’all do enough of that yourselves. Besides that, I also live by the mantra of “Offense is taken, not Given” so if something in this post upsets you, maybe you should take a look at the person in the mirror.
All my life growing up I’ve never truly felt “black”. I never liked traditionally “black” movies or TV shows. Even when I was more akin to staying out late nights, my time inside would be spent reading or doing something else productive. My talents/interests were more into technology and artsy things like graphic design, and less in being out with friends. Like I said before, I’ve always been a loner.
That being said, I’ve never really considered myself as black, and I still ain’t black. Yea my skin may still be brown and “I’m still just a nigger” in the eyes of racists, but none of that really matters to me. It affects me a lot less than you’d think, but at the end of the day I don’t think or act like the majority of y’all, and I refuse to identify as one of you – especially my generation.
All y’all do is whine and complain and look in the mirror feeling inferior every day. All y’all do is cry about oppression and slavery every day. All y’all do is attack people for the same things you do. Y’all focus on the micro and not the macro and throw a temper tantrum whenever someone points out how ineffective this is. Y’all go to work and complain about your jobs every day but how many of you want to, let alone try to own a business?
It’s at the point now where all the social media whining and warrioring I see is starting to spill into real life. I see people actually talk and act in real life the way I do on Twitter, and it’s honestly saddening. I still feel like I’m not one of y’all, and this all comes despite the fact of me wanting to help uplift black people from the place we are at today. I just can’t get on bored with the constant whining and victimization.
Just because we’re both black doesn’t mean we have to have the same mindset about everything, have the same opinion on every issue or feel the same about everything, but I can’t tell with y’all. Y’all think groupthink and tribalism to a whole different level, and I can’t get on board with it.
As many times as I’ve been called all types of coons and uncle toms, as many times as I’ve been told I’m not actually black, it’ll be interesting when I see those will be the main people finding an issue with this post. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter, you were born alone and you’ll die alone and I’ll never reach the heights that I want to let other people dictate my life.
None of my friends in real life even really use social media anymore because all they see is whining and complaining. They see the same stuff I do, I’m just better at tolerating/ignoring it, but it’s interesting to know it’s not just me.
As far as I’m concerned I can’t be thrown into the box y’all have created for yourself. Yes I am physically black, but culturally I am not – and I’m starting to notice a common behavior which I don’t find myself to fit as well.
As far as I’m concerned I Still Aint Black. I’m Me, an individual. I’m Aedonis Bravo, and if you don’t like it, well…
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